Today, I feel envious of those who have known their calling since childhood. I should admire their journey, but I can only think about what I have not been able to find within myself. There are days when the road ahead still seems long.

I have several paths to choose from today. My mood is what it is, I don't need to feel better right now. I don't have to shut the door on how I feel. I can look outside even if it's cloudy. My intrusive thoughts shouldn't haunt me, I have to let them see the light.

I am reminded that my prayers are heard, even those I dare not say aloud. Wishing for things very strongly should not prevent me from taking action.

I went for a walk; it’s a rainy Sunday. I took out my umbrella, my hiking shoes, my wired earphones, and a podcast about Mabon, and I set off. I took photos of the leaves on the ground that caught my attention. Some were speckled in shades of brown, like mottled skin. Others had shapes and colors that reminded me of thermal camera images. The sound of the raindrops on my umbrella was like the crackling of a fire. Welcome to autumn.